Closer

Would you mind if I get a little bit closer to you?
Is it something inappropriate to ask? 
Please don't get me wrong, I don't mean to impose anything.
And I certainly don't pretend to get something from you.
I only want to get closer, to know you better.
And see what happens.
Is is too much to ask?

Broken Wind

A gut thought, bounced against itself time after time.
A single sound, listening to his own echo over and over again.
A certain guilt, imposed on top of itself in infinite different ways.
Repeating the same mistake, until something different happens.

Complicidad

La bala se viste de negro
En silencio suspira la flor
Por qué recordamos lo que nos hiere?
Somos los errores que (no) cometimos.

La geometría nunca miente
El espejo doblega al espíritu
Por qué callamos lo que sentimos?
La verdad (no) es cosa de dos.

This is why I can't have nice things

Sometimes I just don't want to deal with people, or things. I don't want to respond to anyone. I simply just don't want to deal with any shit.

ANY.

But then it piles up, like a turd. And I start getting anxious and paranoid. The pressure to act starts to build up, and therefore I just want to run away from all of it. But it keeps piling up and up, to the point where I just sort of want to die in order to avoid dealing with it. Well, not literally die, but sort of.

Then, I just force myself to start with ONE thing; just one. Any one. Something. Do something. So I make coffee, I eat breakfast. Good start. Now answer one email, ONE. Nice. Now let's keep it up. What's next? Writing a thesis. Damn. 

Wait. Don't panic. NO, don't even dare looking at your bed. Think of something happy. Happy thoughts, happy things. Going to Japan. That would be awesome. Alright, now you're smiling. Good, smiling is good. Now take a deep breath and politely reply to the girl that just blew you off in Facebook. Bad, being blown off is bad, but it is what it is; man up. Who needs love anyway?

Alright, now another happy thing. I know, puppies. Pictures of puppies and kittens or something in YouTube. Wow, helicopter violinists in Paris, nice. Good, YouTube good. Now keep going, what's next? Read advisor's thesis... Ok, Breathe. Yes, first take a deep breath. Feel your feet. They're nice and easy touching the ground. Good, feet on the ground is good. One chapter, that's fine. You're going to read one. The first one, it probably is the shortest one anyways.

With that off my chest, let's see see what's next. Off my chest good, very good. No, don't go back to thinking about writing a thesis. Thesis bad. Focus on immediately actionable items. Divide and conquer. One thing at time. Alright, good; self-therapy, good. Next on the list. Make proctologist appointment. Fuck.

Life

To grow is to accept.
To accept is to care.
To care is to act.
To act is to live.

To live is to fight.

Substitute

-You see, in the end I didn't replace you, unlike you who replaced me. 
- True, but you make it sound like it was so easy. Like I enjoyed doing so. Replacing you took effort and courage. 
- So would it have taken not to replace me. 
- Dear, don't forget that you too were a replacement for someone else, just like I probably was for someone you knew. We use each other until we cannot. You're as important to me as the one before you was and the next one will be. 
- You make it sound so cold, do you even care about how I feel? 
- Sweetheart, the love you know lies only within your body. The flesh knows only boundaries. It's safe. Once you lose the fear of what lies beyond, you'll understand why you can be replaced. 
- Does that mean that you think that you cannot be replaced? 
- All it means is, that I love you.