Sometimes to endure a storm you have to stop yourself from feeling the cold within the rain. But once the thunder stops, and the rain continues to bless, you cannot longer enjoy its gentle hug. You're just wet.
If you force yourself to go through hell too many times, you'll learn to enjoy it. Giving away the will to fight for the right to heaven. A flattened world where everything goes by. You might as well just shut your eyes.
That is why now no matter how much it hurts, I won't force myself to do that, not this one thing, not this one time. Not again. I won't let go, won't ignore pain; won't enjoy it.
I'll find a way to bring it back, to do it right. In the mean time, I'll just pretend to close my eyes and endure the cold within the rain.
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